all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish you could order shots online.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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