I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
