I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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