My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
