I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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