i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He did a backflip because drugs
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
