Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
