WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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