Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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