so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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