Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
