hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
