I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
