I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sext me about skeletons
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
