Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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