Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
