Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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