I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
