worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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