and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
