The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
