she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
