Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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