Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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