also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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