There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
