One girl and one boy is just not enough.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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