FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
