Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
