38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
