she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize