well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
