how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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