uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
