I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
