wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
