Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
