Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
