Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize