I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
