I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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