You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
