I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
