jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
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I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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