Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
