It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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