Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
