If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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