I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
