I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
