I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
