and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
