the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
