in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
