I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
