Having a random hookup so left but love u
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
