who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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