Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
this hospital has no fireball
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
